Asking for What You Want Without Sounding Like a Guru

Joshua Bandoch’s How to Get What You Want has a decent framework buried under a layer of motivational-speaker phrasing. Strip the “manifestation” energy and what’s left is genuinely useful: a structure for asking for things in business conversations that doesn’t require you to be charismatic, ruthless, or a born salesperson.

You’re not most of those things. You’re a freelancer who needs to raise your rate by 20%, clarify scope on a project that’s drifted, or get a kill fee written into a contract. You need scripts, not affirmations.

Here are the conversations you actually have to have, and the language that works.

Start here: ask early, ask plainly

The biggest mistake freelancers make in these conversations is asking too late and too sideways. By the time you’re hedging - “I was wondering if maybe we could possibly talk about” - you’ve already telegraphed that you don’t expect a yes. The other person reads that, and it lowers the price of saying no.

The Bandoch move, stripped of jargon: state what you want, in one sentence, in the first thirty seconds of the conversation. Not in a confrontational way. In a clear way. The other person should know exactly what’s being requested before any of the explanation begins.

That’s the whole shift. The rest is mechanics.

Conversation 1: Raising your rate with an existing client

This is the most common one and the one freelancers butcher most. Two patterns to avoid: announcing the increase as a fait accompli (corporate-style, alienating) and apologizing your way through it (weak, invites pushback). The middle path is what works.

The script:

Hey [name] - wanted to flag something before our next renewal. I’m raising my rates effective [date]. For our work together, that means the new monthly retainer will be $[X] instead of $[Y]. I’d love to keep working together at the new rate. If that doesn’t work on your end, I completely understand - happy to wrap up at the current rate through [end date] and refer you to someone in my network.

What this does:

States the request in the first two sentences
Names the specific new number, not a range
Offers continuity without begging for it
Provides an honorable exit if the answer is no

Send this in email, not Slack. Email creates a record and a beat for the client to respond thoughtfully. Slack invites a knee-jerk reaction.

How to raise your rates without losing clients covers the deeper strategy. This is the script layer.

Conversation 2: Quoting a higher rate to a new client

Different conversation entirely. You don’t owe a new client the soft landing you owe an existing one. But you also shouldn’t pretend the rate is something it isn’t.

The script (in the discovery call, when they ask about budget):

For projects like this, my rate is $[X] for [scope]. That includes [specific deliverables]. If that’s outside the budget you’re working with, no hard feelings - happy to point you toward someone who works at a different price point.

What this does:

States the number directly, in the conversation, not in a follow-up email where it can be debated in writing
Anchors with a specific scope so the rate has context
Gives them an out without lowering your floor

The temptation here is to soften with “but I can be flexible.” Don’t. The moment you offer flexibility before they’ve asked for it, you’ve signaled the rate is negotiable, and the negotiation will happen on their terms instead of yours.

Conversation 3: Pushing back on scope creep

The client has slowly expanded the project beyond what was originally agreed. You’ve been absorbing it because each individual addition seemed small. It’s no longer small.

The script (in a check-in call, or in a deliberate email):

Wanted to step back and look at where the project is now versus what we originally scoped. We agreed on [original deliverables] for $[X]. Since then, we’ve added [A, B, C]. That’s roughly [Y additional hours] of work. I want to get this back into a clear arrangement - either we adjust the budget to $[new amount] to cover the expanded scope, or we trim back to the original deliverables and add the rest as a phase 2.

What this does:

Doesn’t accuse, just lays out what happened
Offers two paths, both of which are acceptable to you
Names a specific new number for the budget-adjusted path

The client may push back. The script doesn’t depend on them being delighted. It just refuses to keep absorbing the scope drift silently. Most clients who hear this respond reasonably - they didn’t always notice the drift either, and they’d rather know now than have a resentful freelancer on the project for another four months.

Conversation 4: Getting a kill fee into a new contract

This is the one freelancers most often skip and most often regret. A kill fee is the agreed-upon amount the client pays if they cancel the project before completion. Without one, you can do six weeks of work, get told “we’ve decided to go a different direction,” and walk away with whatever they decide is fair, which is often nothing.

The script (during contract negotiation):

One thing I want to make sure we include: a kill fee clause. If the project is cancelled for any reason before completion, the kill fee covers [X% of total project value, or a flat $Y if cancelled in the first two weeks, escalating from there]. This protects both of us - you have a clear exit if circumstances change, and I have a fair payment for work already in motion.

What this does:

Frames the kill fee as mutual protection, not a hostile clause
Offers specific structure so it’s easy to drop into the contract
Doesn’t ask permission - assumes it’s standard, because for serious freelance work, it should be

If the client balks, that’s information. A client who refuses any kill fee structure is telling you they want full optionality at your expense. Decide whether that’s a relationship you want.

Conversation 5: Asking for a testimonial or referral

This one isn’t about money, but freelancers screw it up the same way they screw up rate conversations - too much hedging, too late, too vague.

The script (sent within a week of project completion, while the win is still fresh):

Thanks again for a great project. Two quick asks, if you’re open: (1) Would you be willing to write a short testimonial I could use on my site? Two or three sentences is plenty - I can send you a template if helpful. (2) Is there anyone in your network who might benefit from work like what we did? Even one or two names would be huge.

What this does:

Lands the ask while the project is still warm
Asks for two specific things, both small
Offers to make the testimonial easy by providing a template
Doesn’t apologize for asking

Most clients will say yes to one of the two. You just have to ask. The fact that freelancers don’t ask is why so few of us have the testimonial pages we’d want.

Conversation 6: Saying no to a project that doesn’t fit

The hardest one psychologically. You need the money. The project is wrong for you. You know it. You’re about to take it anyway.

The script (in response to the project description):

Thanks for sending this over. After looking at it, I don’t think I’m the right fit for this particular project - the scope is closer to [X type of work], which isn’t where my strongest experience is. I’d hate to take it on and not give you the result you deserve. Happy to recommend someone better suited if helpful.

What this does:

Declines clearly without insulting the project
Gives a specific reason that’s about fit, not preference
Offers to be useful in a different way

The Bandoch insight here, which is genuinely useful: saying no to the wrong-fit work is the precondition for being available for the right-fit work. The freelancer who takes everything is the freelancer who is never available when the project that actually fits walks through the door.

What ties it all together

Every script above shares three properties.

It states what you want in the first two sentences. No throat-clearing. No “I just wanted to…” or “I was wondering if maybe…” Stating clearly is not rude. It’s the only honest thing.

It names a specific number, scope, or term. Vague asks invite vague answers. “Could we talk about my rate” is a worse ask than “I’m raising my rate to $X effective [date].” The specific version is harder to write and easier to act on.

It provides an honorable exit for the other side. Every script offers a path where the other person can say no without losing face. This isn’t softness - it’s strategy. People who feel cornered fight. People who feel respected respond on the merits.

That’s the Bandoch framework, with the guru voice cut out. The rest is just practice. The first time you send the rate increase email, your hand will shake. The fifth time, it’ll be a Tuesday task. The hundredth time, you’ll wonder why you ever thought it was a big deal.

You don’t need to feel powerful to ask for what you want. You just need a script that doesn’t require you to feel powerful. If you want the broader frame for why this kind of plain-spoken asking works, how to negotiate without being a jerk covers the negotiation philosophy underneath.

The scripts will do the rest.